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The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (The Pilot-The Uncut Version)
Written by: Marta Kauffman &David CraneTranscribed by: guineapigAdditional transcribing by: Eric Aasen(Note: The previously unseen parts of this episode are shown in blue text.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.]
Monica: There`s nothing to tell! He`s just some guy I work with!
Joey: C`mon, you`re going out with the guy! There`s gotta be something wrong with him!
Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk?
(They all stare, bemused.)
Phoebe: Just, `cause, I don`t want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh!
Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It`s just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.
Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.
Chandler: Alright, so I`m back in high school, I`m standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.
All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.
Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there`s a phone... there.
Joey: Instead of...?
Chandler: That`s right.
Joey: Never had that dream.
Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don`t know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.
Monica: And they weren`t looking at you before?!
Chandler: Finally, I figure I`d better answer it, and it turns out it`s my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me!
[Time Lapse, Ross has entered.]
Ross: (mortified) Hi.